17 AUG 2019

Hello Corporate American Minions! Here I am again for another installment of truth.

Today’s topic is about another management tool to keep the rank and file minions from uprising – Employee Engagement (EE).  This is a tool used by the manglement executive chuckleheads (yes that is manglement not management) to give their  assigned minions the illusion that the lowly minion-class employee opinions actually matter. 

EE can take the form of in-person group sensing sessions (to find out the who the real whiners are), employee hot lines, engagement surveys, one on one interviews, etc.   I have seen many different methods over the past 30 years.  Many times these are supposed to be anonymous but I am fairly certain that is not the case.  Too many missing minions after EE survey time. At the risk of being negative, not much resulted from the majority of these employee engagement efforts.  A big “to do” was typically made of the annual EE surveys – “Note from the CEO:  Be sure to take your anonymous EE questionnaire!” – but it always seem the end results were at best vague, halfhearted attempts at some type change for the sake of change or the results of the highly touted annual EE survey were sucked into an executive black hole never to be seen or heard from again.     

I have had managers pull their teams into their office to solicit feedback only to be summarily be told  (after hours and hours of talk) that all of our ideas were stupid and we would be implementing the desired management changes.  This is not bad as it might seem. I actually prefer the management changes so when inevitably the management changes go bad the employees can snicker among themselves.  I just wish we minions didn’t have to go through the ruse of providing feedback and suggestions.  That’s just a waste of time.

Unfortunately, I have been at companies where so-called anonymous EE surveys and hotlines got minions put on a management target list.  Answer the questions on an EE survey with the wrong answer or report bad behavior on the wrong management chucklehead and  the offending minion could disappear just like a Mafia hit.  The missing minion was at the last staff meeting, but then two days later their cube is cleared out!  Best for the remaining minions to not ask too many questions…..

So to the Corporate America minions out there – send me your Employee Engagement stories…. if I post on my blog I will send you a Red Stapler T-Shirt.  Be sure to check out THE CHALLENGE page to get more info on the free shirt.

Until next time my minion-in-arms, keep your head down and keep wearing that Kevlar underwear!!

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